About Abuse


cycle_of_abuse

Phase 1: Tension Building Phase

Victim Feels: Angry, hopeless, tense, afraid, and depressed.

Victim Behavior: Submissive, “walks on eggshells.”

Partner Feels: Tense, frustrated, or disgusted.

Partner Behavior: Verbal abuse, silence, is controlling, demanding, and irritable.


Phase 2: Violent Explosion Phase

Victim Feels: Frightened, helpless, or numb.

Victim Behavior: Protect him/herself, hit back, or submit helplessly.

Partner Feels: Angry, she/he’s always right, frustrated.

Partner Behavior: Dangerously violent, deliberately trying to hurt or kill, irrational, has a “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” syndrome.


Phase 3: Honeymoon Phase

Victim Feels: Relieved, angry, resentful, and guilty.

Victim Behavior: Excuses for batterer, withdrawn, tries to solve or prevent future incidences, hopes, strongly believes changes will last.

Partner Feels: Apologetic, forgetful about degree of violence, unable to understand why the victim is still angry.

Partner Behaves: promises to change, blames her or others for problems. Can be charming, may bring flowers or other gifts. Believes he will be able to control his anger in the future.

* Many other feelings or behaviors may be associated with each phase.

 

Verbal Abuse

Does your partner consistently say or do things that shame, embarrass, ridicule, humiliate or insult you? Has your partner:

  • Called you stupid, filthy, lazy, nasty, silly, etc.?
  • Said that you’re fat, ugly, a whore, slut, bitch, cunt, etc.?
  • Told you that can’t do anything right?
  • Claimed that you’ll never get a job or make enough to live on?
  • Told you that you’re an unfit mother/father/partner?
  • Claimed that you don’t deserve anything?
  • Stated that you are unfit and that no one else will want you?
  • Acted like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
  • Told you that you are a bad parent and threaten to hurt or take away the children?


Emotional Abuse

Does your partner:

  • Isolate you from friends and/or family?
  • Punish you by withholding affection?
  • Threatened to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets?
  • Threatened to take the children away if you leave?
  • Expect you to ask permission?
  • Get in your face and yell or scream?
  • Forbid you to work, handle your own money, or make decisions?
  • Withdraw sexually or emotionally?
  • Force you to sign over property or give him/her your personal possessions?
  • Accuse you of having affairs?
  • Make you be there when he/she calls?
  • Monitor where you go and who you see?
  • Force you to carry a cell phone at all times?
  • Expect you to anticipate his/her every need?
  • Undermine your sense of power or confidence?
  • Manipulate you with lies, contradictions, or promises?
  • Change the rules on you?
  • Laugh at you when you’re trying to be serious?
  • Refuse to surrender control of money?
  • Threaten to turn you in for outstanding citations, non-compliance with immigration or welfare?
  • Play with or clean weapons during a conversation?
  • Blame you for the children’s misbehavior?
  • Keep you from calling for help or other support?
  • Say everything belongs to him/her?
  • Prevent you from sleeping?
  • Abandons you when you need support the most?
  • Abandon you or locks you out of the house?
  • Threaten your family or future partners?
  • Pick on the child(ren) from your former relationship, more demanding or strict, etc. than with mutual children?
  • Make sudden loud noises or movements to scare you?


Physical Abuse

  • Does your partner:
  • Hit, slap, punch, shove, bite, cut, strangle, kick, burn, pinch, spit on you or poke you in the chest repeatedly?
  • Throw objects at or restrain you?
  • Hurt you with an object or deadly weapon (a gun, knife, baseball bat, brick, chain, hammer, scissors, rope, belt buckle, extension cord, branch, bottle, acid, bleach or scalding water, hot food or drink)?
  • Prevent you from calling the police or seek medical attention?
  • Trap you in your home or prevent you from leaving?
  • Force you to leave your home or lock you outside of your house?
  • Become too rough with children?
  • Neglect you when you are sick or pregnant?
  • Endanger you or your children through reckless driving?
  • Attempt to drown you?
  • Pull your hair or drag you by your hair?


Sexual Abuse

Does your partner:

  • Force you to have sex when you don’t want to?
  • Force you to perform sexual acts you don’t like (anal sex, foreign objects, oral sex, sex with animals, etc)?
  • Criticize your sexual performance?
  • Force you to dress a certain way?
  • View women as sexual objects or stick to rigid gender roles?
  • Deny you sex?
  • Force you to have sex with or to watch others or view pornography?
  • Threaten to hurt you if you don’t desire sex?
  • Insinuate that sex is an unsaid duty you must perform?


Destructive Acts

Does your partner:

  • Break furniture, flood rooms, ransack or dump garbage in your home?
  • Slash tires, break windows, steal, tamper with parts or put foreign substances in the gas tank of your car?
  • Kill, threaten to kill, or neglect pets to punish or frighten you?
  • Destroy your clothing, jewelry, family photos or other important personal items that are important to you?
  • Rip the phone off the wall or disable the phone?
  • Target practice inside the house?
  • Destroy property?